Bar of Chocolate
I am a bar of chocolate, 12 soft, creamy pieces encased in a gold and brown wrapper.
Right now I’m feeling shut-out and forgotten, buried away on the bottom of some dark drawer.
I’d rather be split between friends, squares broken off sweet piece by sweet piece.
I share this drawer with sour, tantalizing boxed candies and crunchy crinkly potato chips.
My dream is to lie out in the hot sticky sun and turn tear-stained cheeks into smiles.
I’m worried that I’m not enough; either too decadent, too sweet, or maybe not sweet enough?
I hope I’m thought of as adaptable, ready for study break pump-ups or a go-to movie night treat.
Some nights I’m kept awake by the opening and closing of this wooden drawer.
The best thing I’ve ever done was heal a broken heart.
The worst thing I’ve ever done was stain a white dress about to make its debut.
I feel guilty that I never know how you want me to be there for you.
My favorite time of day is when the drawer opens before bed, and just one square is broken off.
The point of my life is to curb a craving or create a comfort.
I’d like to be remembered as the favorite pick-me-up treat; a cure-all antidote for all.
This concept is so cool and incredible (not just because I have a sweet tooth)! I adore the way you bring out the chocolate's point of view (using first person), and helping the reader see through its eyes and attaching emotions to an inanimate object. So many wonderful lines, my two favorite ones are "the best thing I've ever done was heal a broken heart" and "I feel guilty that I never know how you want me to be there for you." I think you chose great, strong scenes of imagery that are clear like the "hot sticky sun" line and the "stain a white dress..." line. I think the structure could be more defined towards the middle and end since the beginning there is a recurring pattern of two full lines and then a single word on the following line but then the rest of it gets bunched up together, maybe this was intentional? Also, inserting transition words in the last three lines, from "My favorite time of day..." till the end, could make them feel more connected rather than independent thoughts and slow it down a bit because I felt the ending kind of being sped up. But overall, really awesome job, I enjoyed this poem very much!
ReplyDeleteI really like the pathos attributed to this inanimate object! I think the way each example evokes a different emotion is very creative. One line may be about longing, the next happiness, the next pain. It may not have even been in mind when you wrote this, but the beginning of this poem gave me Willy Wonka vibes (which I mean as a very good thing!). I got a feeling of excitement riddled with being anxious every time the chocolate "feels" the drawer being opened. My favorite part of this Bar of Chocolate is the last 6 lines/sentences. The reflection that this object has, the sense of introspection is very interesting and I really like the way it's worded.
ReplyDeleteI love how you personified this chocolate bar -- it really came to life! I would love to know why you chose chocolate vs. some other late night treat. I also think (if you wanted to take it this direction), it would be awesome to hear about the life of the chocolate bar before it found its way into the bottom of this drawer. Like the feeling of being picked up for the first time, off the shelf, and then the loneliness felt after being forgotten and left alone. Just an idea!
ReplyDeleteThis is a fun little personification poem. I have never read a poem that makes a chocolate bar speak! This pleasure here is in the wit and cuteness of the idea. I am SO glad that this poem does not sound like an advertisement. In the past, I have had students submit poems in this vein (making an object speak) that sound straight out of ad copy--you know, the kind of ad with talking food trying to sell itself. This one resists that and gives the chocolate a sweet (appropriate) and sensitive personality.
ReplyDeleteThe poem is rather prose-like, and I wonder if it would not read better in prose.
Some of the lines could use a little follow-up--like the one about the worst thing being staining the dress. One more line describing the stain and the shame of the chocolate could help bring the humor of this home.
Also, I think you can find a funnier or wittier ending line. This one strikes me as a little flat, compared to the rest. But good stuff here!
I love the feeling and emotion that you invoked into an emotionless object. I also love the object that you used. Chocolate is something that everyone loves and craves now and again which is why I think it was a smart choice to use a chocolate bar as the object. It engages people and captures theme in to want to read more.
ReplyDelete